Feeling isolated and overwhelmed

Hi @NebulaExplorer 

Can definitely empathise as can I'm sure most people you'll find on here. Just went through a pretty big and messy breakup of my own. I can promise you're not alone, even though it will feel like it sometimes. Please do feel free to share anything. No pressure. 

I'm also new here. After my own breakup I walked away feeling crazy. Like my memories weren't my own, like I couldn't trust my own judgement. I definitely spiralled and said some things I regret. Self-destructed a little. Unfortunately betrayal is one of those wounds that cuts deeper than most. Love makes us do funny things that we never thought we would. I for example never thought I'd find myself thinking or doing the things I was, and definitely not lurking around in a place like this (hugely therapy averse here - got that big strong manly man thing going). But after a few weeks stuck in my own negative thought loops and watching myself descend into madness I had to take action for myself and step away from everything. Reading the stories here and contributing where I could helped put everything into perspective. 

Please do feel free to share anything at all. Definitely encourage you to read through other people's posts as well. Helped remind me that everyone has their own shadow powers, it just takes a little courage to learn to wield them for your own good.

Excellent job though for taking this first step. Only you can step out of your own cage little bird. I can promise you with every confidence that anyone and everyone you'll find here (at least in my own experience) is non judgemental, empathetic and wants to see you succeed in every way. 

Good luck, keep going. Hope I get a chance to hear your story 🙂

Hi @Mr_Be 

Thanks so much for your support, I really appreciate it. So sorry you went through a messy breakup too. I completely understand, I also did and said things that I regret. Love is wonderful yet painful when things go wrong, it can definitely make one feel crazy. Unfortunately in my previous relationship, I didn't really know who I was with for years, and it ended very badly. Past memories come to my mind often and I wish I could just erase them. Sometimes it can get really difficult. I spend a lot of time on my own, and am trying to learn to be my own best friend now, but I often feel alone. Thank you for promising me that I am not alone. I will definitely check out other posts here and try to help others. I am glad I found this place where there is a good community of support and understanding.

As for me, after going through a lot of difficult experiences, I try my best to keep things together. It can be exhausting though when I think that life won't get better and I have trouble trusting others. Now I always assume something bad could happen and I expect to just get hurt. It leads me to lose self-worth and self-destruct as well. I definitely have been breaking down more often, and find it harder to smile or be happy. I have been going to therapy too since I believe it is important for me, though it is hard to open up. It can help me gain perspective sometimes, but it still cannot permanently remove these feelings. 

Anyway, it is nice to meet you. I also look forward to hearing more about your story, too. Take care.

Thanks for sharing all that @NebulaExplorer.

I get all that completely. Mine was only short, but I've been really second-guessing the whole thing. Not sure if I ever really knew her or if any of it was real for her. After we broke up, we talked one night and told me that she was already convinced I was nothing but a manipulator. Then continued to tell me her mother had been in her ear since the day we got together. She'd been questioning and scrutinising everything I did. The mother had convinced her that I was love bombing her and trying to create a trauma bond and take her away from her mum. That simply wasn't the case. This was all after the mother spent 3 months basically forcing me on her and pressuring her to date me after I specifically asked her not to do that and to just let it be. I burned myself out trying to be there for the mother (because she was a friend) after her husband left her while my own mother was grieving her dead boyfriend. I volunteered to go to work with the daughter after I finished my own work to try and relieve some of the pressure she was under (she was working 6 days a week at a job she hated, then going home and giving her mother everything she made, keeping nothing for herself, and watching her mother spend it all on booze, weed and temu. She was doing this before her dad left and was only doing it because in her words, 'no one else would support the family').

After all this, I was already burned out (to the point I had to quit my job because both my mind and body were shutting down - I went from able to carry a couch on my shoulder to barely able to lift a plate for myself in a period of 3 months) and told about the mother questioning everything (seemingly from the start), something just broke and I'm pretty sure I suffered a short-term stress-induced psychosis. I ave up everything and had nothing but my own ruminations and watching them walk past my home multiple times a day. It was like I was watching myself spiral from the outside. I still don't have my memories back, still barely trust my own judgement. I had the sense to physically keep myself away after what I'd heard was being said about me, but I still wanted to know why someone who called me family was actually doing these things behind my back the whole time. I wrote a few letters just trying to understand and push for reconciliation, but the last one scared the sh*t out of me. Pretty sure I scared the sh*t out of them both. I knew something was seriously wrong and just had to pull myself right back. From there it was all I could do to focus on paying the rent and rebuilding my life and routines. That was when I jumped on here (maybe 2 weeks ago now) and started seeking help for myself. 

There are still times when I wonder if I'll ever trust anyone again. I already had major trust issues but this whole experience has definitely changed something in me. I'm not sure whether it's for the better or worse yet, only time will tell that. Now I'm just trying to find peace in solitude and go through the process to get myself back to stable and in a position to figure out what to do with the rest of my life.

All this is to say I really do get it. Please do feel free to share any of your own experiences. You're definitely not alone.

I'm working toward therapy, but trust and money are big issues for me right now. I'm glad you're getting help where you can. It's challenging accepting help from the outside especially with trust issues. 

What about the rest of your life? How are you going there?